finally made up my mind!!!! =)

finally it is over.even though it had not been officially declared that i can break free from republic.but i had not been attending school for a week and is on the way to do all the needed documents and stuff to break free from republic.
i know some may think that it is not a wise choice and is a waste of time and money.
but i had really think through and that i think i really cannot.
in the first place i tot is the relations of people.but it is actually not this way.it is the life of rp that i cannot adapt to.i had try myself to adapt to it no matter what.dnt think of anything.just go and pass each day.but what i want is not like that.i want to learn somethings and i want to do it to the best.and not just pass everyday just like that.
said so much now also no use.since i had decide,i am ready to take any critisim perhaps from relatives or from friends.but i know my friends wnt.cos they are my friends.i believe my friends.
just like they believe me.
thanks for all that encourage me for my decision.=)
my plan for now is to work.maybe find another job to work mean i have two jobs.but is hard to find so i now just stay on in the bubble tea job.
waiting for next year to come and hope to get into sp.now i dnt care what course it is.as long as there is teaching and i can learn somethings even the basic can le.

dilemma????what should i do???

hello!!!! is anyone there?.....i am at the end of the road?? i think is not.i should said at a dillema. what should i do???what can i do??what must i do??? people can only advise.but i does not care to listen to their advice.i dnt know....i am really not in the mood recently if not for this entire year.new life...new environment,new people.new me??? i had begin to become useless,helpless and not me anymore.i dnt know what happen and why. who can i listen to???who can i trust??? retribution???what!!! i want to quit rp.yes,i know this is what i want.at the same time i dnt want to waste money. but my parents they haven help me make the withdrawal from rp.they agreed.but dnt know what they are thinking.all i want is to quit rp and carry my life.wasting my life.wasting my time.wasting my youth.wasting to become useless and helpless everyday. i dnt know what i want.i had lost hope in everything.my self-esteem.the usual me.yes,the usual me.friends??? dnt know who to turn to.family??? i dnt know.hate life.hate myself.hate the world.living in the world of hatred???can i do that.no i cannot,because i care.i care.i care how people see me,how people feel about me,how people said about me,how people want me to be me.what i want.i dnt know. in front of people,i have to be happy.at the back of people,i am not.=(